Title: Ground Rules
Author: Kristen Sharpe
Date: June 30, 2009
Rating: K
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer:  “Fullmetal Alchemist” belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, Square ENIX, Studio BONES and various other parties.
Author’s Note:  This short exists because SageSK is evil. I made a joke, and then she dared/threatened/badgered me into making it into a drabble. Well, it's not a proper drabble at 200 words, but still. Oh, and various elements of our joke continue in her fic "Fully Caffeinated Alchemist".

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“Gentlemen,” Colonel Mustang faced his assembled subordinates. “Our unit will soon include a twelve year old boy. In light of that, I think I need to lay down a few ground rules.” He held up a finger. “Number one – even off-duty, you will not offer him any alcohol. Drunken alchemists are a terror at the best of times; a drunken twelve year old alchemist is a nightmare I refuse to contemplate.”

Mustang saw his men’s formerly bemused faces sharpen with understanding. Good.

“Number two,” he continued, “you will not offer him any coffee; he's stunted enough as it is.”

There was a collective snicker.

Mustang ignored it and moved on. “Number three - you will not tell him any dirty secrets you may think you know about me.” He smirked. “Remember, I know more about all of you.” That said, he settled back into his chair and rested his hands on his desk. “That is all.”

There was silence for a moment and then Havoc spoke up. “What if we swear around the kid?”

Mustang allowed a small smile to curl his lips. “I don't think a one of you knows anything he hasn't already used to blaspheme my name.”