Title: Detour
Author: Kristen Sharpe
Date: May 2, 2023
Rating: G, maybe leaning a little PG
Warnings: Well, I tried to play with the slightly dark humor of "Villainous", but I'm not sure I succeeded.
Genre/Continuity: Main/canon continuity for both series.
Disclaimer: “Villainous” created by Alan Ituriel and belongs to AI Animation, Cartoon Network and associated parties. "Girl Genius" belongs to Phil and Kaja Foglio.

They landed in the middle of a warzone. Which meant Dr. Cosmo’s horribly constructed teleporter actually worked. Flug was professionally offended and personally pleased. His boss turned his insides out often enough for sport. He didn’t need some heroic hack’s device doing the same.

That just left the problem of the death ray-wielding robots surrounding himself, Demencia, and 505. Though they seemed to be focused on each oth— A barrel lowered toward their trio.

He really had to learn to stop tempting Murphy, Flug thought as he dove behind a convenient nearby boulder with 505 wailing on his heels.

His more than slightly unhinged co-worker, Demencia, chose her usual tactic. Violence. With a mad cackle, she leapt over a blast from the ray-gun to latch onto the gun’s barrel and start climbing on all fours, moving toward the warbot’s “head”.

Wait… Was that an open cockpit? Terrible design. But, it made things easier.

As Demencia began punching and biting her way through cockpits, screams of, “Jäger!” filled the air. German, huh? Maybe they were at least on their own planet. And, these guys were worried about… hunters? Maybe bounty hunters? Were they villains too?

Well, they fired first, and the Black Hat Organization had no issues firing back. Still… Snugged between the boulder and 505’s nearly indestructible, furry bulk, Flug pulled the Tranquilizator out of his labcoat. He needed someone alive to question.

It was over in twenty minutes or so.

“So, what now, Doc?” Demencia asked from her perch atop a pile of twisted metal.

Flug turned from the death ray he’d been examining – gear-based movement? really? - to the men he’d managed to tranquilize. Two had woken up and started a pathetic little slap fight. Oh. That’s right; there had been two sides fighting before they got involved.

“505,” he called gently to the big blue bear who was just peeking his head out from behind the boulder, “could you cover those two?”

“Baw!” 505’s muzzle opened in a wide grin, and he lumbered over to scoop both men up into a bear hug that Flug knew from experience was loving but inescapable… and a little suffocating.

“A bear?!” one man shrieked, trying unsuccessfully to free himself.

“It’s obviously a construct, not a wild animal, you idiot!” the other snarled.

Construct? A bit of a crude term for the complex bio-engineering that had gone into 505 but not inaccurate. Of course, both men were dressed in rather archaic military style uniforms, so maybe this was another world, one with a wildly different technological timeline from his own. Although, given his boss, Black Hat’s, fondness for Victorian fashion, that wasn’t the best clue.

Having shouted down his former opponent, the second man was now dangling limply in 505’s arms, looking Flug up and down. His eyes lingered on Flug’s face, and Flug prepared himself for fresh questions or mockery over his habitual paper bag and goggles. But then, the man’s face slid into a resigned expression.

“What do you want?” he asked.

Oh. Oh, good. A minion who knew the drill.

“Where is this?” Flug asked in German. He could tell he wasn’t matching their dialect, but he should be intelligible.

“Who are you?” the other, still hysterical man interrupted, finally giving up on his attempts to flail his way free of 505’s hug. “Are you working with the Heterodyne?”

“The who?” Flug couldn’t remember anyone who went by ‘Heterodyne’. “No, we’re from the Black Hat Organization.”

That earned him a confused look from the reasonable man and shock from the other.

“Bu—but, the Jäger woman! With the fangs! That hair! The claws that tore through our war stompers!” the hysterical man stammered, staring toward Demencia.

“Demencia?” Flug glanced at the green-haired lizard hybrid, who took a moment to give them all a wicked, fanged grin before returning to munching on something he’d rather not contemplate. “She just has some high level bio-modifications.”

The two men traded a wary look.

“Spark,” the reasonable one muttered, and the second nodded.

At least he thought that’s what he thought the man said. Tricky dialect. Maybe “spark” was local slang. Either way, it seemed to make both of them eye him with a certain wariness.

Maybe it meant they were picking up on his scientific superiority.

“So, where are we?” Flug pressed.

“Near Metallstadt in Duke Rossum’s domain.”

“What’s he saying?” Demencia called.

“We’re not anywhere I’ve heard of,” Flug answered. “We’re probably off-planet. Or in another dimension entirely.” Then, remembering past experience, he glanced at the nearest man’s hand. Five fingers. One more than standard in their reality. “Probably another dimension.”

“So, what’s the plan?”

Now she asked about plans. Flug shrugged. “We wait for Black Hat to need us for another job.”

Which could be anywhere from minutes to months if their boss couldn’t be bothered. No client would dare complain about delayed orders directly to the eldritch nightmare behind the Black Hat Organization. Well, none with any sense of self-preservation. And, once Black Hat had had his fill of torturing fools, he’d probably teleport them home and expect the backlog cleared immediately. That in mind…

“Say, where can we find this Heterodyne character?” Flug asked. Anyone who kept Demencia’s class of hybrids or mutants on staff sounded like a potential client. “Oh, and since your employers obviously need some better war-bots, here.” He offered both men a card.

Because he knew he was eventually going to be sucked through his own navel, devoured by hungry shadows, or otherwise excruciatingly folded and twisted across the void of time and space when Black Hat summoned them. Maybe drumming up some business would spare him a little torture.

He could dream.

…If all his dreams weren’t already buried out back of the organization headquarters.

Notes:

I know, I know. There's very little of the "Girl Genius" universe here, and I didn't even establish when they are in its timeline. Maybe someday I'll do little drabbles about their other adventures before getting yanked home that highlight more "Girl Genius" stuff. If a plotbunny hits. I've given up trying to predict them.