SWAT KATS: The Radical Squadron "Where Are They Now 2" by Nick 'Wacky Middlename' Ball Introduction: Following the underwhelming reaction to Where Are They Now, I've written a sequel, Where Are They Now 2. I know, I'm OldSchool, you kiddies are NewSchool and my stuff don't 'play.' Relax, I don't read your stuff either, but here's the 2nd anyway, focusing on the villains now, as opposed to the goodguys. (And it's WORSE, of course.) Love, Nick. P.S: "The Powerpuff Girls" and all rights (including licensing) belong to Cartoon Network, and obviously not me. I don't know why I said that, though. I mean, they're not in this story or anything. Check if you don't believe me. Hell, check twice. They ain't there. --------- "Where Are They Now 2" Crime. It doesn't pay, and if you're a SuperVillain then you've made a career of a nonpaying career, so you.. no, later, Ok. We'll get started. Hello. Hard Drive. Hard Drive: Yes? How's crime? Hard Drive: I dunno. Ok, I guess. Beats like.. honesty. So.. Have you performed any crimes lately? Hard Drive: Eh, stole a can of beans from the store. Me and DarkKat are going to- Dark Kat and I. Hard Drive: What? It's "Dark Kat and I," not "me and..," nevermind. Continue. Please. Hard Drive: Well, me, Dark Kat and you, then, are going to break into the Enforcer Armoury this afternoon and raise Heck. I'm not doing that. Hard Drive: You said that you were going to, with me and Dark Kat. Dark Kat and I. Hard Drive: So come on already. Put that vest on and we'll get going. .. no, I- Hard Drive: No? What do you mean, 'no'? .. .. ok, yes. ----- It's not until you're forced into the alleyway beside a Police Headquarters with the intention of breaking and entering that you appreciate jobs where you don't have to do this sort of thing. At all. Hard Drive: Quiet, we're here. Dark Kat: You're late. Dark Kat, how do you feel about crime today? Dark Kat: Who's this? Hard Drive: I don't know, someone who's helping us on the job. Who are you? I'm the Documentarian. Dark Kat: The.. ? The Documentarian? Hard Drive: Not a bad name. Better than like, 'Elrod Purvis.' Dr Viper: Hey! I heard that! Dark Kat: Oh, I..uh.. shoulda said. Dr Viper's going to be helping us out too. Hard Drive: Oh, what? Why? Dark Kat: He, uh, came round. I couldn't- Dr Viper: It's rude to talk about me in front of my back. Dark Kat: Couldn't get rid of him. He won't get in the way. It's better than behind. Dark Kat: What? Hard Drive: What? It's.. it's better that you're talked of in front of your back than behind your back. It's a.. nevermind. Nevermind. Dark Kat: I'll.. start on the lock here. Have it opened in a jiffy. Dr Viper: Who's this? Hard Drive: This is The Documentarian. Stay outta his way, Dr Viper, he'll be helping us. Dr Viper: I'll be helping too. I'm just as good a villain as the rest of you. Dark Kat: Can you guys SHUT UP back there? This thing's almost- FUDGE! Almost fudge? How do you.. is it a chocolate sauce kind of..? Dark Kat: I dropped the.. the lockpick. Thing. The little bit of- Hard Drive: You DROPPED it? Dr Viper: I think I can see it. Dark Kat: I can't CONCENTRATE with them talking, okay, so just shut up and I can- I might go out front. Watch for uh.. criminals. Police. Watch out for police watching out for criminals. Hard Drive: Stay in the alley, The Documentarian, out the front is the Enforcer FrontDesk, you don't wanna be seen there. Dark Kat: If I had my Kreeplings here one of them could find it, it's a small piece of bent metal.. Dr Viper: A Kreepling could climb in a window and unlock the door from the inside! Hard Drive: Look we don't have any Kreeplings, so- Dr Viper: We've got Kreeplings. Hard Drive: No.. we DON'T have Kreeplings, so it doesn't even matter if we- Dr Viper: We've got Kreeplings! I don't see any Kreeplings. Hard Drive: Yes, thank you, we don't have any Kreeplings, as you can see, so- Dark Kat: Um.. I brought some Kreeplings. Hard Drive: You what? Dark Kat: I couldn't leave them in the apartment. You've seen what they do to the walls when left alone. It's alright, they won't get in the way.. Hard Drive: They'd better not. Dr Viper: They're locked in the car. Do supervillains often- Hard Drive: You did WHAT? Oh dear. Dark Kat: They're locked in the car. It's OK, they're out of the way. I rolled down the window a little. Hard Drive: I'm not concerned about their safety, DARK KAT! But would I be CORRECT in assuming you've parked a car full of Kreeplings OUTSIDE the Enforcer Headquarters?! Dr Viper: They're out of the way, they won't bother us, you jerk.. Hard Drive: What's an Enforcer going to think when he sees them? 'Oh, my, Dark Kat's in the area but I bet he's only buying muffins!?' Dark Kat: I hadn't thought of that.. I can go check on them if you- Hard Drive: Would you? ---------- Dark Kat: Did you move the car? Are they OK? Hard Drive: They're FINE, just keep looking for the lockpick.. I didn't manage. I didn't manage to- Dr Viper: I can see it. Dark Kat: Didn't manage to what? I need the, the keys. The car was locked. Hard Drive: *sigh* Just give him the keys, he can move the car, we can find the lockpick, get into the- Dr Viper: I can see the lockpick. Hard Drive: -building and get the Ion Weapons, hold the Enforcers hostage, raise Heck and.. . .. what? Dark Kat: I don't have the keys. What? Hard Drive: What? Dr Viper: He doesn't have them. Where are they? Hard Drive: Where are they? Dark Kat: Well, the Kreeplings get lonely and they start on the car interiors if you don't leave them something to play with.. Oh dear. Dr Viper: He gave the keys to them. Oh dear. Dr Viper: It was my idea! Now they won't h- Hard Drive: I am *seriously* going to kill something in this alley. Something stupid. I might go get some fresh air. Dark Kat: Oh, they won't be able to damage them. They're metal. Hard Drive: Dark Kat, how is The Documentarian going to get into your car IF YOU'VE PUT THE KEYS IN IT AND LOCKED IT?! Dr Viper: Ssssh! Someone's going to hear us!! I'm just- Hard Drive: Well?!! Dark Kat: You're.. you're so NEGATIVE. I mean, I'm thinking. Maybe, you know, he can break in? I don't know how to break into a car. I don't want to. Dr Viper: I don't think he should do that. Hard Drive: Breaking into a car outside Enforcer Headquarters isn't a good move, no. Why isn't Dr Viper lisping anyway? Dr Viper: Lost my plate. Dark Kat: He won't have to BREAK into the car. He can just, you know, pick the lock. I don't want to do that. Hard Drive: Excuse me? I don't- Hard Drive: Not you. Dark Kat. What did you say? Dark Kat: Well. He can discreetly pick the lock and get into the car that way. The cops wouldn't see him if he was quick, yes? Hard Drive: Excellent idea. But I'm wondering what he could use to pick the lock..? Dark Kat: The lockpick that I .. lost. .. .. oh. Nevermind, I didn't want to do that anyway. Dr Viper: I can see the lockpick! I can see it! It's just there! Dark Kat: Where? Dr Viper: There! Hard Drive: No, that's not it. That's a crack. You can't pick it up. Dr Viper: I think it's.. oh. No. Ok. Is this it? Dark Kat: I think that's a twig. I'm going to get some fresh air. ---------------- Crime doesn't pay, but you wouldn't believe it when you looked at some of the Supervillains from SWAT Kats, who became unemployed when the series ended but still keep them- Hard Drive: Are you talking to me? No. *silence* Hard Drive: .. well who WERE you talking to? I wasn't. It was narration. For the tape. Hard Drive: Tape? Yes, my audio cas- Hard Drive: You're wearing a WIRE? Yes..no ..no, not a WIRE, I'm recording this for the documentary. Hard Drive: Oh yeah, that's what you do. Gotcha. Yes. So.. Hard Drive: Bad day. Can't think straight. I mean, I'm standing in front of Enforcer Headquarters here, can't think what I'm doing, those two in the alleyway are ruining EVERYTHING.. I mean. They're villains, but we, you know, we gotta hang out. I mean, us against them. It's just a pity it didn't.. go better. You seem to be a little disheartened with Dr Viper. Hard Drive: Dark Kat's friend. You know, hangs round, I mean, calls himself a villain but he can't mix sea monkeys right. He was meant to be some genius before the accident, but doesn't show now. You know he lost my electric coat? It's like, my TRADEMARK villainry thing, he wants to wear it to a Beastie Boys concert, Dark Kat tells me it'll be OK, and Viper LEAVES it with some guy at the front gate cos he was getting hot in it. I mean, it's an electric coat bristling with energy, takes it to a concert and feels like it's getting HOT?! Ok, yes, we should just calm down a little, I mean, there are Enforcers.. Hard Drive: So now I'm like, you know what I'm doing? I'm making an Electronic SWEATER. Lost my coat, so now I'm working on some kind of warm pullover so I can CONDUCT TERRORISM IN WINTER. Dark Kat: Keep it down out here! We're in front of Enforcer Headquarters, guys.. Yes, we should probably- Hard Drive: Get back in the alley, Dark Kat, I do NOT want to speak to you right now.. Dr Viper: I found a bent piece of metal that might work, I think it could be a paperclip.. Hard Drive: Is this the VILLAIN CONVENTION out here, right outside the FRONT of the ONE BUILDING- I think we should pro- Dark Kat: I wouldn't hit the car like that, Hard Dr- *waawaawaawaawaawaawaawaawaaawaawaawaa* ---------- Officer: The car alarm alerted them to my presence, Sir. Commander Feral: Right. That'll be all, for now. Officer: Yes, Sir. I'm not with them. Hard Drive: It was all his idea. No, it wasn't, I'm just the documentarian.. Dark Kat: He's the new villain in town, The Documentarian. He told us we had to help him break into the Armoury. No, no I- Dr Viper: I'm not with him. It was all his idea. Commander Feral: Documentarian, your crime-filled days are OVER. ---------- Crime doesn't pay. And once you've been in the Crime world, you appreciate how the workers of it, the criminals, feel about being in a world that crime doesn't pay in. And it's in that situation, being nonpaid, and undervalued, that can take a person, and turn them to crime. More crime. I mean, they're criminals already, and they're doing crimes. But more crimes. Crime. Dr Viper: Who took my pillow? So, once one asks Where Are They Now of the SWAT Kats supervillains, one comes to the conclusion.. Dark Kat: This is mine. Comes to the conclusion that.. Hard Drive: Where's MY pillow? Warder: Keep it down in there! .. comes to.. ok, we'll finish this quickly. Hard Drive: Has he got it? SWAT Kats Villains, Where Are They Now? They're in my cell. There. Dr Viper: I want my pillow. END.