Title: Kat Scratch Fever Author: Michael Christman Notes: Only a few changes from the original story mostly concerning a few German words and phrases. At the end of the story is an English translation of the German please take a look. Special thanks to Tim Wehrer who provided help in this regard. My e-mail remains christman.26@osu.edu. send if you feel like it. Kat Scratch Fever Megakat City's held its Octoberfest every year at the end of August mostly because the weather was better then than in October. The weather was cooperating beautifully at eight o'clock in the evening the sky was cloudless and a light breeze blew from the southeast coming off a high pressure system providing just the right amount of cooling effect for the warm summer day. "Welcome to the Megakat City Octoberfest where everyone is a little bit Irish!" Mayor Manx stood on a platform in front of the large tent that was the main midway and dance floor. Around the platform he shared with festival organizers the deputy mayor and a polka band was a crowd of citizens waiting for the festival to start so they could drink. The crowd also contained the media and they were to whom Manx played. He had made his opening remarks by ad-libbing and showed why he really needed Callie's speech writing abilities. The crowd clapped politely but the festivals German organizers some whom wearing alpine hats and lederhosen did not appreciate the slight. Deputy Mayor Briggs nearly fell over in shock. "Uh Mr. Mayor that's supposed to be German." She whispered to the mayor. "German! Hummm nothings perfect." Mayor Manx said loud enough for the microphone to catch it angering the organizers even more. Callie wanted to bury her head. All were smiles and pawshakes at the official opening though any one could see that they were pained when doing so. Felina and her uncle were near the back of the crowd by some kiosks. Both wore T-shirts and shorts Felina's shirt had 'I drink therefore I am' printed on it. Commander Feral was trying to restrain his niece from running of and marrying a keg or something as well as keep a low profile himself. "Oh c'mon uncle stop worrying about it nobody is going to care" "All right I'm coming but couldn't you have at least gotten me a better T-shirt to wear." The commander noted to his shirt the had 'world's greatest lover' printed on it. "You're being silly. Daddy told me to make you enjoy yourself this year and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Besides what would you have worn, one of last years Enforcer academy T-shirts?" "Why not I've got several boxes of them. It's amazing that they have the money to print them but not to put kats in them, Felina. . .Felina!" "Sorry you sounded like you were going to talk about budget problems again. Want a beer?" She handed him a plastic cup with an amber liquid in it. The one she was drinking from was half empty already. Commander Feral took the beer, "You know Felina you shouldn't drink that fast. . ." "Braaaaaaaaaap! I don't remember eating that." Felina cut him off. "That's disgusting." "I hate to say it uncle but you're a real drag. I'll tell daddy that you got the shirt he sent you." Felina made a beeline for another kiosk then melted into the crowd. Commander Feral stood alone in the crowd. He would have preferred to be home reading a book rather than here amongst kats who did not know when to say when. At least it couldn't get any worse. "This is Ann Gora Katseye News here at the Megakat City Octoberfest with Commander Feral. Commander do you have anything to say to the viewing public?" Commander Feral was stunned by Ann's sudden appearance but quickly recovered, "Yes Ann, we want everyone to have a good time but to do so responsibly." "Sound advice, this is Ann Gora Katseye News." The camera turned off Ann handed the microphone to one of the interns that was following the news team. "By the way commander nice shirt." "Oh Yes, do you think you can edit it out?" An embarrassed commander Feral asked scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry Commander we won't have time to." With that they were off to find other unsuspecting prey. "Are you sure you don't want one Chance?" Jake asked from the front of the line of a kiosk selling beer. "No way I hate that stuff. I still can't believe I came here with you." Jake rejoined Chance, "Oh c'mon its not that bad. Drink me, drink me." Jake started wafting the beer under Chance's nose. "Quit playing around I'm serious." "I've seen you drink before Chance what are you so uptight about." "Those were social occasions. I. . ." "And so is this. I'm buying you a drink and you are going to drink it." Jake raised the still untouched plastic cup to his mouth but was stopped by the unexpected arrival of Felina. "Hiiii Guuuuuys," Felina draped an arm around their shoulders, "how have you been?" "Lieutenant Feral?" Both Jake and Chance sounded surprised. Dr. Viper poked his head out of a storm sewer kathole. "Ssssstupid foolssss. My ssspecial yeassstss will ssssoon Finisssssh your kind off. Sssso drink up. " He laughed fiendishly and disappeared back down the hole to rejoin his platimals. "Well guys it has been fun but I have to get going. I still have to figure out what it was that I ate." Felina staggered off. "That is why I don't like to drink." Chance said shacking his head. "I didn't say you had to get that drunk." Jake raised the cup to his mouth again only to be interrupted by Chance. "Jake look over there, it's Dr. Viper!" Chance pointed to a kathole cover that had Dr. Viper poking out of it. "What do you think he's up to?" "What ever it is you can bet it's no good." Jake dropped the cup of beer, he was going to need all of his faculties tonight. It was not a good night for Commander Feral having to be on the news wearing one of his stupid brother's ideas of a joke was bad but when some of the Enforcers who were working security saw him he knew he would be the butt of plenty of jokes for a while. Some of the Enforcers had gotten quite cocky after the place went union. Not to mention civilians were noticing him some wanting him to sign their T-shirts. They were the official 'Commander Feral's one way taxi service' shirts. Very nice shirts, with an Enforcer patrol car on the front, lights flashing and its gull wing door open, a bargain at fifteen dollars all proceeds going to the Enforcers general fund. At least he could take consolation in the fact that it could not get any worse. "Hello commander, having a good time here at the Octoberfest?" It was Katrina one of the exchange Enforcers who was now wearing one of the 'Commander Feral's one way taxi service' T-shirts, very well. "Uh yes, major its not often that I get out. I . .uh . . . thought I might see what was going on . . . in the uh city." Commander Feral stammered while unsuccessfully trying to cover his shirt drawing more attention to himself in the process. Sensing the commander's discomfort Katrina changed the subject. "It's no wonder this city is most often picked city for training for upper level management positions it has more kooks than any other city I've heard of. " They sat at a table under the main tent. "Oh I've seen hundreds of stories." Commander Feral responded absentmindedly. "Really, I haven't seen this much action since the war myself." "You were in the war?" "Yeah, I served the last two years. It was more like getting caught up in a wave towards the end though, the biggest battle and the worst was Katleveland. We watched the center of the city burning from a freeway bridge by the airport. Even with the forty mile an' hour wind blowing toward downtown that fire was putting off some intense heat. It actually forced both sides back from the front. But what about you? You look old enough to have been around then." "Well thanks for noticing." Commander Feral said half jokingly, "I was in the Federal Army that was protecting Denver. We were under siege for most of the winter of '98. It was a pretty rotten assignment a lot of people from the surrounding area moved into the city and it didn't have enough food to last all winter so the general had us share our supplies with the city I guess so we could all starve to death together. The city surrendered after our relief force was defeated and we were just told to hold out at all costs. Regular GIs who didn't join with the rebel army were disarmed and allowed to go home. I made my way back to Megakat City which was in chaos. . ." their conversation stopped at the sound of a couple of kats fighting. "Just great, this happens every year." Feral got up to help put an end to the beer fueled stupidity and Katrina followed him. Commander Feral watched as several more fights began to break out. He also noticed that far from stopping the fights the Enforcers charged with keeping order were actively participating in the mayhem. Commander Feral got an overpowering urge to get away from the crowd as quickly as possible. Turning to flee he found his path blocked by Katrina growling and hissing at him. "Let's get out of here these kats are crazy!" He shouted to Katrina who responded by jumping on top of him claws bared. The commander was knocked down then bitten on the neck by the feral kat who was in turn dragged off by two roly-poly by-standers she still tried to swat at them all while hissing and spitting. "Jesus lady what's your major malfunction?" One of the Commander Feral's roly-poly rescuers asked Katrina as she broke free and bolted into the crowd. "Are you all right commander?" "Yes I suppose that I am it's just that I've got a splitting headache not to mention she bit me." He rubbed his neck and looked back at the crowd most of whom were now fighting each other only the bigger heavier kats were not feral. The realization struck Commander Feral like a gunshot, "It was in the beer what ever is causing this was in the ugh. . ." Feral doubled over in pain then turned up to look at the two roly-poly kats only now he wasn't Feral, commander of the Megakat City Enforcers he was just plain feral and the last thing they would remember for the evening was him lunging for them. The Turbokat passed over the festival grounds revealing to its crew that Dr. Viper's plan was in full swing. Kats fought with each other, the Enforcers who were guarding the main gate, and tearing at the fences that ringed the site. Two Enforcer river patrol boats kept watch to contain anyone who might attempt to get out by a different exit. The Enforcers at the main gate were not having such luck they were leaderless and barely keeping the feral kats in the festival grounds. "Looks like this years Octoberfest got a little wild huh T-Bone." Razor said wrily. "Really, Mayor Manx's speech must have really riled everybody up this year buddy." "The violence seems to be concentrated under the main tent and in the main midway area. Towards the back there isn't too much activity, land there." "If you say so but I don't see what were going to gain by landing in the belly of the beast." "We have to find out what we are dealing with here T-Bone." There is plenty of space over by the brewery wall. The Turbokat landed in the clearing. The two kats jumped out, glovatrix ready to dispatch any unfriendlies. The need to do so came quickly when a feral kat sprung at them from behind some empty propane containers. T-Bone and Razor both fired their nets and bound up the feral kat. He struggled against the net growling and spitting in the SWAT Kats general direction. The SWAT Kats turned and aimed at the sound of another kat approaching but relaxed when they saw that it was only a staggering Felina who obviously wasn't feral but drunk. She made her way over to them until she was able to collapse into their arms. "Lieutenant Feral?" T-Bone and Razor both asked somewhat stupefied at what had just plopped herself into their care. "Well now what Razor? We have one kat that's too drunk and another that is too crazed to give us any information." T-Bone scowled not pleased at all with the situation that he now found himself in. "Maybe not T-Bone these two might have given us enough information to find a cure for these kats." "How?" "Well take a look at Lieutenant Feral she's not running around trying to kill everyone in sight, why do you think that is?" "I can't even venture a guess." "It may be because she drank to excess. If we can figure out how much alcohol would be necessary to return everyone to normal we. . ." He was interrupted by T-Bone. "Razor we have to get out of here now!" T-Bone pointed over Razor's shoulder at a gathering of feral kats we didn't look intent on throwing a welcome party. "Grab that guy, I'll take Lieutenant Feral." T-Bone slung Felina over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes Razor did likewise with the other kat who protested by hissing and spitting but he was relatively harmless thanks to the net around him. "Razor we have to get to the Turbokat!" "No can do buddy, look!" Another group of feral kats appeared blocking their escape by air. "Let's try by the river ." Both heroes ran toward the river with the feral kats in pursuit. At the front gate of the Octoberfest an Enforcer patrol car came to a stop its gull wing door opened to reveal the form of Lieutenant Commander Steele. The Lieutenant was not pleased to have been disturbed while watching Phantom of the Opera especially sense this was city employees discount night. Steel normally wore his Enforcer overcoat open and it revealed that he was wearing a thousand dollar suit. He looked ready for a night on the town not a night in the trenches, Steele was definitely not expecting this call. "This had better be important for you to have disturbed me like this!" Steele scowled at the Lieutenant Colonel who was attempting to take charge while the crisis. "Sir we have a full scale riot going on here. We lost several guys when it started." The Lieutenant Colonel puffed, "We are calling in other enforcers but we're kind of short staffed tonight. We need approval from upper level management to authorize overtime and Commander Feral is. . ." He looked over at the festival grounds. "Really," Steele salivated at the thought of absolute command, "I am more than capable of handling this, call up reserves and have them stand by. We'll nip this right in the bud." T-Bone and Razor were fleeing a crazed mob each with a package on their backs. "T-Bone maybe we can escape by the river. There weren't any feral kats by that fence." Razor said between breaths. "Yeah just like there weren't any feral kats in that back lot." "So sue me, they probably just found us by accident." "Well let's hope that they don't have any more accidents like that." T-Bone and Razor reached the clearing and looked back. The feral kats had ceased chasing them presumably to fight with each other. Let's get out of this crazy compound Razor." T-Bone moved over to the fence repositioned Felina who was still passed out and began to climb. He was blinded by a search light from one of the patrol boats on the river. A loudspeaker enhanced voice rang out over the water, "Do not attempt to escape. We have orders to shoot to kill. Stay where you are." The voice from the boat repeated itself. "Do you think this will alert our friends Razor?" "Why don't we ask them?" Razor acknowledged that one group of feral kats had found them. "Head for the main gate maybe those Enforcers will be more reasonable." "What do we know about the rioters?" Lieutenant Commander Steele asked. "They began rioting around a quarter after nine. In isolated areas it quickly grew to envelope what looks like everyone in there." "Including our Enforcers. Were they armed?" "The Enforcers that were in the festival grounds were only armed with non lethal weapons sir." "Good then we will send in ground forces with tear gas to arrest these hooligans." "Uh sir? We sort of have a problem." He motioned to the group of Enforcers that had assembled mostly in street clothes some in suits. "It seems that our call to report for duty caught many of them by surprise. We're going to have to wait until we can get the weapons and equipment here." The Enforcers finally got their equipment thought the job appeared badly botched. Some of the Enforcers had to wear their civvies covered with a flack jacket because there where an insufficient number of uniforms brought. But Steele's ludicrous attack would commence in spite of these ominous forbearings. The Enforcers fired tear gas and rubber bullets into the rioting crowd and managed to turn them back somewhat. It actually looked like Steele's plan would work. The SWAT Kats managed to lose their pursuers but the main gate was clotted up with feral kats. T-Bone and Razor and their baggage hid in an alcove far enough away from the feral kats to be unnoticed. They watched as the oddly uniformed Enforcers fired tear gas over the gate and pushed back the rioting mob of feral kats. "Look Razor the Enforcers are pushing the feral kats back maybe we can get out now." T-Bone said as he positioned the still passed out Felina over his shoulder and prepared himself for a long sprint. "We should use our oxygen masks T-Bone. It's possible that we might encounter some of that gas" Razor placed his oxygen mask over his face then gingerly slung the feral kat now gagged over his back. "Roger that." T-Bone concurred placing his own mask over his face. "Go!" Razor yelled and they both made a mad dash toward the now open main gate. Unfortunately for T-Bone the run got off to a bad start. The combination of running and the evening breeze caused Felina's tail to blow over and cover T-Bone's eyes. Anything he tried to do was ineffective at eliminating the nuisance. "Razor I can't see!" "Don't worry buddy just keep running in the direction that your going." Razor thought that T-Bone's mask wasn't tight enough and that he had gotten a whiff of tear gas. "Oh great!" Two tear gas canisters bounced their way spraying their contents, "T-Bone they're shooting . . . Aw crud!" "What is it buddy?" "Steele, He's closing the gate." Razor could see Steele who was actually just yelling at other Enforcers to close the gate. "Hurry up we've got no time to lose. The SWAT Kats quickened their pace and made it through the gate in time only to be tackled by a couple of Enforcers sending Felina and the feral kat tumbling into the dirt. The Enforcers in the park however weren't as lucky. The two that first saw the SWAT Kats also were the first to see the gate closing. They broke ranks in a desperate attempt to get out of the enclosure that they were now getting locked into. When they did so, so did other nearby Enforcers. The line collapsed effectively turning what was a steady advance into a full scale rout. The feral kats no longer intimidated by the Enforcers and began to set upon their former pursuers despite a few brave instances to resist. Steele and the other kats on the safe side of the fence could only watch in horror. "Nice going Steele now they've got guns. Do you have any more bright ideas?" T-Bone yelled at the shaking Steele. "Well what is it Doc?" Razor asked Doctor Konway who was peering into a microscope. "It appears to be a kind of mutated yeast that normally inhabits the body with few ill effects. But in its mutated form, creates a psychosis that causes the host kat to exhibit remarkably aggressive actions." Doctor Konway looked up from the microscope and leaned back in his chair. "The microorganism appears to inhabit bodily fluids and certain dermal areas especially the nails. Which is important in this case because the primary way that the disease is spread is biting and scratching." "What about immunity? The lieutenant isn't affected by whatever this is." Razor alluded to Felina who slumped over in a folding chair her head was to the side her tongue hung out and she was drooling. "Was it all the alcohol she drank?" Doctor Konway changed microscope slides and peered back into the microscope, "I thought that at first but further investigation led me to a different conclusion. Lieutenant Feral's blood contains the microorganism in such great numbers that it turned on itself and was rendered inert." "So how exactly did this organism get into the affected population Doctor?" Lieutenant Commandeer Steele finally spoke up showing that he was still around. " We think that it is a result of contamination by someone. . ." Konway started. "Someone named Doctor Viper." T-Bone cut him off. "How exactly can we reverse this epidemic Doc?" Razor queried. "By giving its victims a dose of what causes their symptoms." Konway pushed the plunger of a syringe pushing out the air and some of a yellowish liquid. He walked over to the feral kat who hissed at him and made a violent move that was ineffective due to the SWAT Kats nets. The doctor injected his unwilling patient who howled in anger with the antidote. Within a few minutes the feral kat turned back into a normal kat save for being a little groggy. "It works!" Dr. Konway shouted. "Now we have to figure out how to make them take their medicine." Razor looked over at the fence. A group of feral kats bumped into another group and began to fight. "Don't worry the Enforcers can handle this." Steele said confidence beginning to brim again. "And how do you intend to Steele?" T-Bone asked not believing him at all. "With voluntary electroresponse blocking nerve gas." "Nerve gas!" both T-Bone and Razor shouted in disbelief, "Steele you're crazy you can't use nerve gas in a city." Razor tried to reason with the Lieutenant commander who was having none of it. "It will make them sit down while we give them the antidote. When it wears off their is no harm done to the subject. I'm in charge here and we're not going to take orders from you two." he pointed at T-Bone and Razor. Lieutenant Commander Steele dispatched a couple of helicopters and Enforcers to pick up the nerve gas. To T-Bone and Razor this was an anathema the wind had picked up from earlier that evening and was blowing lightly to the northwest if Steele's nerve gas got out of control it would blow over the Megakat River and into the downtown/goldcoast area Megakat City's most valuable land. "Listen T-Bone we have got to do something before Steele gets his gas or the whole city is going to be in danger." "Yeah but we don't have the Turbokat and we don't have a way to return these kats to normal" "My guess is that we do. I bet those vats in the breweries around this place are still loaded with the yeast that caused this situation. With those kats so scratched up it shouldn't have any trouble getting into their bodies." "Then let's kick those feral kats' tails off of our plane!" T-Bone clenched his fists. The feral kats had abandoned the Turbokat not caring to bother with an inanimate object so tail kicking was not necessary. The SWAT Kats jumped into their jet and took off. Flying over the festival grounds they saw that the main body of feral kats was still under and around the main tent a smaller body of kats was by the main gates. Presumably the only thing they cared about more than fighting was getting more feral kats to fight with. T-Bone and Razor could also see a low flying Enforcer helicopter in the distance. Low flying could mean only two things it was on patrol or it was carrying a heavy payload. "We'd better get this plan in operation buddy or were going to be in real trouble." T-Bone noted. "Land on that roof T-Bone I'll get our bombs ready." T-Bone landed the Turbokat on the brewery roof. He and Razor jumped out to plant their bombs in strategic locations on the brewery vat then raced back to the Turbokat in time to hear the sounds of the Enforcer helicopter loaded with nerve gas fly over. "Razor we're never going to get the next four breweries in time. Maybe Steele's plan will work." "Do you really want to take that risk T-Bone?" Razor asked sarcastically, "But you're right we're going to have to split up. I'll take the Cyclotron and the two breweries to the south you get the other two to the east." "Roger that. And pray Steele doesn't work too quickly" He said the second part to himself. The large tank of nerve gas slowly winced down to the ground. Enforcers surrounded the tank that looked similar to a large bomb with pipes sticking out of one end painted on it were Achtung and Jolly Roger skull and crossbones that nobody was paying any attention to. "Lieutenant Colonel please set up the machinery. Here is the instruction book." Steele handed the book to the Enforcer who looked at it leafed through it then pronounced it unreadable. "Give me that!" Steele was visibly annoyed he looked at the book. It was not unreadable it was in German. Steele sighed, "I'll translate for you." Steele began to read, "'Die Horst Chemie AG bedankt sich bei ihnen, dass sie sich fuer das nervengas ihres Verentrauens entschieden haben.' Why would they thank you for buying nerve gas?" Steele continued this time more quietly, "HmmmmHmmmmHmmmm. Safety features. Hmmm Hmmmm Hmmmm. Caution don't use around. Hmmmmm Hmmm. AhHa! How to use. Turn valve one, ninety degrees to the right and flush tube with compressed air" The Enforcer did so. "Open spiral valve to begin flow of chemical agent." Nerve gas sprayed out of the tube hitting several Enforcers causing them to sit down cross-legged. Another Enforcer twisted the valve closed before succumbing to the gas himself. Steele and the other Enforcers watched the gas dissipate then looked at each other. "Let's try that again, with the hose this time." Steele growled. Razor gunned the cyclotron down the deserted street heading to rejoin T-Bone and the Turbokat. Razor positioned himself back into his seat looking out the canopy to see that the crowd was still rioting meaning that Steele had not yet put his foolish idea in motion. "Let's blow this thing before Steele gets a chance to do any real damage Razor" "Got it T-Bone." Razor pulled the antenna of a remote detonator and pressed the button explosions rang out as the bombs detonated opening vast holes in the contaminated brewery vats. Flowing into the direction of the festival grounds and its nearby environs. Felina had woken up from being passed out and wandered off. She had a terrible headache staggered when she walked and had a hard time seeing strait. "Ohh if I ever see beer again it will be too soon." Her Eyes were cast to the ground when she heard the explosions. Looking up she saw a wall of beer rushing towards her. Her eyes widened, she braced for impact and uttered the immortal words, "Oh crap!" In the Festival grounds feral kats momentarily stopped fighting as the explosions rang out. Like toys in a bathtub they were pushed around by a tidal wave of beer soaking into their cuts and abrasions effectively curing them though it would take a few minuets to be completely effective. The last of the still standing Enforcers gathered around the nerve gas tank. Two previous attempts to make the stupid thing work right had failed miserably putting most of Steele's troops out of commission. They were so short of Enforcers that Steele himself was going to be participating in this one. However the SWAT Kats got them first the Enforcers were scattered as the explosions went off and the beer flowed around them. The nerve gas canister was heavy enough to stay put but the Lieutenant Commander ended up in the gutter. "Worked like a charm Razor. Do you think anyone will mind that all that beer went down the sewer?" T-Bone wondered aloud. "It was all going down there anyway so I can't see why they would." "Understood Razor. Hey why don't we go home and get a drink, of milk." "Roger that." The Turbokat flew over the festival grounds then banked to the East heading for home. "Ssssssoon my creations we will be the masters of Megakat City" Dr. Viper exhorted to his plantimals. He cocked his head at the faint sound of rumbling then turned to face a full scale deluge of his contaminated beer both he and his plantimals were washed out to sea. "This is Ann Gora Katseye News." Ann looked like she had just been run over by a truck. Her clothes were torn and her face had several superficial cuts. Behind her the citizens of Megakat City including its high ranking officials walked past or were being treated at a makeshift clinic. "Live here at the Megakat City Octoberfest where the patrons were made the unwitting victims of a diabolical fiend. Lieutenant Commander Steele can you fill us in any more on what happened this night?" Lieutenant Commander Steele looked like a drowned rat his thousand dollar suit was ruined for eternity. "Yes Ann," he started, "Dr. Viper put a mutated yeast into the beer that resulted in a chaotic situation but the Enforcers were able to bring it under control." "By blowing up brewery vats?" "No that was the SWAT Kats idea, I wanted to use nerve gas." Steele staggered off. "How about you sir, are you upset at this evenings turn of events?" Ann asked a bystander. "Are you kidding the SWAT Kats made my dream come true!" He shouted. Some other kats made cheering sounds and otherwise whooped it up for the cameras. "There you have it folks another threat to our fair city stopped by the SWAT Kats Back to you Tad." End Based on SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron. Owned by Hanna-Barbera All rights reserved. Independent characters are the property of Christman Enterprises Group The translation for that long German phrase is as follows: The Horst Chemical AG thanks you for deciding for the nerve gas of your trust.