The Ace Of Kats by P. I. Hackle O.K. Everyone else seems to be working on some stuff out of their series, so I think I'll do the same. After this story, I'll be doing part 4 1/2 for SWATKats: The Gathering, and then parts 5, 6, and 7. After that, I'll be doing a sequel to "Barry Gordon Gets Laryngitis" called "Barry Gordon Gets A Vocal Cyst", and it'll have a couple characters who weren't in the original. After that, I'll either do a SWATKats/Red Dwarf crossover, or a SWATKats/X-Men crossover, or a SWATKats/Mortal Kombat crossover (that one's actually on my ideas list), or I might just finish my script (non sk related, but I'll send a copy to anyone that wants), and take a break from fanfic. Now that that's over: Notes: 1. This story is a sort of launch mechanism for Ace into the RPG. If I messed up your character big time (which I probably did, since I've only been on for one and a half RPG sessions), let me know and I'll do a rewrite/second version 2. The Doctor Who's, etc. you need to see are: Silver Nemesis (the end of it, anyways), The Curse of Fenric (so you get timestorms, but it's not really important), and read some of the New Adventures. I've redone the 26th and such season order, so it goes like this: All the other Dr. Who's Battlefield The Greatest Show In The Galaxy Ghost Light Curse of Fenric Silver Nemesis 3. this story was based off of a transcript, but in no way has anything to do with what's happened in the rpg. it goes far from what really happened at the end, so sorry. All of the events in the RPG occur before Survival. After Ace returns from the RPG, Survival happens. Although I hate to do this, DJ'll probably make me, so I'm rating this one between PG-13 and R, more towards PG-13, because of some language, and excessive violence. To: -The Members of the SwatKats RPG: you're why I wrote this -Strike for running it -The Tremblays for creating SK -The BBC, creators of Red Dwarf, Are You Being Served?, and Doctor Who, influences for which I am grateful -To the Actors, voices, writers (especially them) for all the above mentioned, and SwatKats -For Jade who writes really good stuff for when I feel awful, a good story and a weird al tape really cheer me up. That and writing about blowing stuff up @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter One @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Place was Earth. The building was a castle. In it, the cybermen, Lady Pentifore, her companion, a living statue, Ace, and the Doctor were in a gridlock. "I can reveal your secrets Doctor. Surrender to me the bow." Said Lady Pentifore. "It seems I have no choice. I shall surrender the bow, but not to you, to the cybermen." Said the Doctor. He gave the bow to the cyberleader, who used it to activate the Nemesis. The statue flew into space and destroyed the cybermen fleet, as well as itself. Lady Pentifore disappeared, and her companion was forced to stay behind forever. "Doctor, what are your secrets?" asked Ace. The Doctor tapped his nose with his finger, and they went into the TARDIS, leaving. "Professor, why won't you answer my question?" "Because I don't want to, is that all right?" "Sorry." "Yes, me too, Ace. I shouldn't have snapped." "It's been awfully stressful around here lately." "So I've known. Up for a holiday?" "Core! That sounds brill!" "My sentiments precisely. Where would you like to go?" "I don't care, just somewhere restful." "Right. I'll take you to the Eye of Orion. Here, take this." Said the Doctor as he put something in her hand. "What's this?" "A TARDIS recall. When you've been on holiday enough, push the button, and it'll send me a signal, and I'll come pick you up." "You mean you're not coming with?" "No, I've got work to do-alone." "But Professor-" "No buts. Now go get packed." "OK" A short while later, they arrived at the destination. "Now, Ace, do you have everything?" "Yep. I think so." "Right. Goodbye Ace. See you soon." "Bye." Ace left the TARDIS, and as the Doctor took off, she was amazed at how relaxing the eye was. {no, it's not a real eye. It's a place. See the dr. who 'the 5 doctors' if you want to know what It looks like.} As she started to explore, she felt a feeling of urgency or paranoia, like someone or something was watching her, and was about to sneak up and attack her. She grabbed a can of Nitro-9 from her bag, and began to proceed around carefully. Feeling that her unknown stalker was closer, Ace primed the explosive, threw it, and ran. The nitro went off after she was taken by the timestorm. When the timestorm was finished, Ace had been deposited to a roadside forest, spinning. She moved dizzily into a tree, slamming the side of her bag into it. "I've been on holiday long enough." Said Ace. "Time to rejoin the Doctor and rekick Fenric's ass." Ace felt around in her bag, and got the TARDIS recall. She pulled it out and saw that it was smashed into a mass of wires and broken casing. "Shit. Better start walking... If I start walking, I can find a place to stay for a while." Ace started walking for a while, and saw a kat crossing the road, and stopping in the middle of a lane, as if to think or such. What the kat didn't see was a car coming toward it. "Oi! Get off the road! There's a car coming!" yelled Ace. The kat either couldn't hear her, or didn't want to move. The car was getting closer, and Ace knew that unless she did something, the kat would get hit and die. Ace started running, and took a flying leap which tackled the kat in the road, and forcing them both into a ditch. The car swerved to avoid hitting them, and kept going. "Stupid bilchbag. I'll teach him." Ace muttered under her breath, priming some nitro. The kat beside her moaned, and Ace ran onto the road, and taking a stride, lunged the nitro at the car which had just passed. When it hit the roof, it exploded, taking out the windshield, as well as most of the car's engine block. The owner was not pleased, got out, and came after Ace. "You blew up my car!" "You nearly ran someone over!" "I would have missed! She wouldn't have been hit!" "Yeah, right. I bet you think you can safely drive drunk too, huh?" "Shut up, you freak!" "Suit yourself!" snapped back Ace, who grabbed her magic baseball bat and concked the kat on the head, knocking him out. After satisfying her call for violence, she went back to tend to the kat she saved. "Huh? What happened?" questioned the kat. "You were about to be hit by a car." "I was?" "Yeah. Don't worry, though. I took care of it." "Thanks. My name's Strike. What's yours?" "Ace." "Well Ace, I was heading home when all this happened, so I think I'll keep going there. Want to come with?" "Sure. Why not? I've got nowhere else to go for a while." As they got onto the road and started walking, they passed the kat that Ace had knocked out, he was lying on his face and curled into a little ball. "Ace?" "Yeah?" "What do you think's happened to him?" "Headache." "Ah." The two kept walking, and passed a very battered car, which was also on fire. "Jesus Pete! I feel sorry for that car," said Strike. "Whatever hit it must have been nasty." Ace just smiled to herself and kept on walking. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter Two @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ It was a longer walk than Ace had expected. About 5 miles into the hike, a homeless bum came up to them. "hello. My name is tED tURNER, and I used to be a media mogul, but since Ryan Kelley and all the SWATKat fans came after me, and burned down my house and business to a crisp, I've been homeless and out of money for the rest of time. Can you help me?" "Bissen Mich Schwein." Said Strike, as she spit into tED's face. tED shirked away. "What did you say to him?" "The German translation of 'bite me pig.' tED is a great evil. In his case, however, the evil didn't include any kind of brains." "Oh. OK. Are we almost there?" "Yeah. Here we are." Strike pointed to the salvage yard door, and there they were. "Oh, a wreckage dump." "It's not a dump, there's just not the money to keep it looking all neat and tidy." "What do you mean?" "Well, it's owned by the city, and with how much of the city is regularly damaged, there isn't really the funding for a salvage yart to do upkeep. The guys who run it try to keep it as nice as possible." "Ah. OK. Do you run it?" "No, the guys who are supposed to are sort of gone for a while, so about 6 or so of us take turns filling in." "Cool." The two went in, and Strike went straight for the kitchen. Ace didn't really know where she was, so she played the follower. "You want some milk?" asked strike. "Sure..." replied Ace. Strike tossed Ace a can of milk, who caught it and looked at it strangely before opening it and taking a drink. "Thanks." "You're welcome. Want me to show you around?" "Sure. Why not?" "Strike showed Ace around the Yard/Garage, and the rooms of the kats who were there for the time: Jake, Chance (they were the two in charge, but they weren't here, and no one would mess with their stuff.), Strike, Bender, Jubei, Macbeth, Jonathan, Kage, Nitro, and WildKat. Ace enjoyed the tour, and got real excited when Strike showed her WildKat's lab. "Gordon Bennet! This is a wicked setup!" "Huh?" "Cool Lab." "Oh. Do you like chemistry?" "Yeah. I was in Chemistry A-Levels in school until I got suspended." "Why were you suspended?" "I blew up the art room." "YOU WHAT?!?!?!??!?!" "It was only a small explosion. The teachers didn't understand how blowing up the art room was a creative gesture!" "So you like explosives, then?" "Yeah. What do you think happened to that car?" "YOU BLEW UP THAT CAR!?!?!?!?!?" "Yeah. It's amazing what you can do with a couple of cans of nitro." Strike sighed. "What have I gotten myself into?" "You don't want to know." "At least you don't have anymore....you don't have anymore, right?" "Any more what?" "Explosives!" "No," ace lied. "Good. Remind me to have WildKat lock the lab." "That won't do you any good." "Why not?" "I've got my own." "Your own lab?" "Well, more like a mini chemistry set that I've modified to my own likings." "Why me?" "you're female." "That's good enough." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter Three @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A couple of hours later, Ace was taking a nap upon the couch. Strike had been nice enough to let her sleep, and when she woke up, an Australian Kat was standing over her." "Good morning, mate." Ace blinked her eyes in order to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She wasn't. "Don't call me mate." She drowzily replied. "Well then, what should I call you? The non-kat who's sleeping on the couch?" "I don't know." "Well then, I'll let you get your sleep. G'night." "Goodnight" said ace as she went back to sleep. Ace continued on to sleep in peace. She was awoken early, about a quarter after six, to the sound of drums. Quickly changing clothes, she went to investigate. As she got closer to Jubei's room, the sound got louder. Ace opened the door, and saw a kat badly playing drums. "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP PLAYING THOSE INFERNAL DRUMS?" hollered Ace. "WHAT? I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER MY DRUMS!" replied the kat. Deciding to take measures into her own hands, she aimed a blade in her slingshot, and fired at Jubei's stick, cutting it in two. He stopped playing. "Hey! You broke my favorite stick!" "Good. I'm glad." "Y'know, Strike warned me about you and your violent tendencies. I can handle someone like you." "I bet. Where IS Strike?" "Out. She's at her day job." "Really. Maybe I should get a day job, too." "I'm afraid I can't let you do that." Said a voice behind her. "Problem, Jubei?" "Nope," said the kat in front of her. "Under control." Ace was thinking about where she had heard the voice behind her earlier. As she realized that it had belonged to the kat who nearly ran Strike over the day before, she slowly started to turn around. She paused for a moment, and dropped her magic bat from the bottom of her bag into her hand, and brought it around to her front. "Forget about me, bilchbag?" "Hey...HEY! YOU"RE THE ONE THAT BLEW MY CAR UP!" "You blew up Kage's car? I feel sorry for you! You're in BIG trouble, honey." Interjected Jubei. Ace raised her bat above her head, and gave Kage an encore performance of the day before, and whacked him on the head again. Running out the door, Ace loaded a blasting sphere (it's a little thing about the size of a Fun sphere {those little things where you put a quarter inside, and it gives you a little plastic bubble with a toy inside}, and it explodes, but it's not nitro-9.) into her slingshot, and popped back in the door. "Oh yeah-Don't call me honey." She said, and then launched the tiny sphere into Jubei's room, hitting his favorite drum. Walking out of the area, she heard the explosion and flames and took a mental note: drums burn up really well. Unfortunately, Burke and Murray were leaving their morning dump on the doorstep at the time. "Hey Murray-Look-It's a freak!" "Yeah-freak! Freak!" "Yeah?" Ace taunted as she began to get an evil smile. "Say that to my face, and not the mirror." "Oooh...she's taunting us. Let's go kick her non-existant tail." "Great idea." As they got out of their truck, ace was waiting for them, bat in hands {useful, isn't it}, and as they came closer, they continued their taunts. "oh look-the FEMALE is hiding behind her bat. Let's teach her a lesson." "Try it. I've fended off bigger pot-scum than you." "She's threatening us. We're SO scared." They got closer, until in the approximate range of Action. Inside, Jubei had heard what was going on, and thought that even though Ace HAD blown up his drums, she still might need some help, and started outside. Ace needed no help, though, as she lunged her bat into Murray's stomach, and he was on the ground within seconds, while Burke was next to him, feeling pain in a rather personal area" "Now, who's taught whom a lesson?" Jubei got outside to find his two most frequent annoyances lying on the ground in pain. "What's happened to them?" "oh nothing much, just a couple of spasms." "Where did you learn to fight like that?" "Perivale." "Huh." "I'm sorry about your drums." "That's ok. Most females I know are like that." "Up for a trip into town?" "I guess...maybe we shouldn't tell kage, though. He REALLY loved that car...and he's the macho type of kat, so having a female beat him at ANYTHING hurts his pride. "Let's Go." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter Four @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ In the car, Ace was playing with her powerbook, while Jubei drove and was telling her about the best places to go in the city. Along the road, the truck they were in broke down. Fortunately, they were near a horse farm. "Come on- we should ask for help." "You do it, Ace. I'm not leaving the truck by the side of the road alone, and I don't trust you, either." "Fine. I'll do it." Ace walked a couple of blocks, and ended up near some horse stables. She read the name of the stable nearest to her. It was made up to look like a four star hotel, and had a gold nameplate which read "Cigar: The bestest horse in the whole wide world ever!" A gun clicked, and Ace turned around. Behind her was a redneck she-kat. "What are you doing, freak?" "Me? A freak? Please, I'm as normal as they come." "Well, miss 'normal', what are you doing on my property?" "My truck broke down...all I wanted to do was to ask for help or to call a tow truck or something." "I saw you looking at Cigar. You wanted to take him away from me. Him AND all my other prize-winning race horses, didn't you?" "You are really getting on my nerves!" "When I'm through with you, you won't have any nerves-they'll be lying on the ground in a pool of blood!" "I'm not scared of you. You should be scared of me." "With all the whackos in this city? HA! You must be joking!" "Fine. I'll show you. See that empty shack over there?" "Yeah." "Watch." Said Ace, pulling a can of nitro-9 out of her bag, priming it to explode on contact, and threw the can into the shed. It hit, and she forced the farmer down out of the way of the flying debris, which missed them, but Cigar wasn't so lucky: the sharper bits had pierced through his skin, and he was lying on the ground of his stable, blood flowing everywhere, dead. "CIGAR! YOU KILLED MY HORSE!" "I didn't mean to..." "He was the best horse anyone could ever want, and you took him away!" Ace knew that even nitro couldn't help her out of this one, and she took a gizmo from her bag, and used it to scramble the senile farmer's brain, removing all traces of her from the she-kat's memory. She hurried back to where the truck was, to find that it was gone. "SHIT!" thought Ace. "Now what am I supposed to do? Smegging hell!" She walked over to the road, and tried to thumb a ride. Unfortunately, nearly everyone who saw her thought that she was a monster or something and sped away. Eventually, she decided to start walking back to the salvage yard, a task that took the rest of the day. When she finally got back, she heard a lot of very loud yelling, and figured out that someone, most likely Strike, found out what had happened that morning. Not wanting to intrude, she decided to stay outside and listen. "You just left her there?" "You were the one that said she was so dangerous!" "I said to please keep an eye on her, and to be careful because she has a bit of a temper." "A BIT of a temper? A BIT OF A TEMPER!?!?!?!??! Besides blasting my drums, she knocked Kage out, he's still recovering from it, blew up a car, and beat up Burke and Murray!" "I know, but there's not a lot that we can do. She's stranded here, and....did you hear something?" "Yeah. Let's go check it out." The two kats came closer to the door, and Ace ran away so she wouldn't be seen. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and she was spotted. "Holy....How did she get back here?" "Well, if you left her near that crazy kat's farm, like you said you did, she probably went for a 30 mile walk." "We are NOT letting her out of here again." "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it. Ace! Come over here!" "Why? I know that you don't want me here. I'll find my way to a motel...or a forest or something." "No you won't. And what are you supposed to do in the morning? You don't have any money. I'm not going to let you starve out somewhere." "I'll manage." "Look-I'm really sorry for leaving you in the middle of the countryside near loony farm. Now will you please come in here?" "I don't want to be a nuisance." "You're not a nuisance. You could be very helpful." "Thanks Strike." "Sure. Now get in here." Strike walked in, and Ace followed, giving Jubei the British version of the finger as she came in, delighting in the fact that he didn't know what they meant. "So how long DO you think you'll be here?" "I dunno...As soon as I can get my recall to the TARDIS working, I guess." "What's wrong with it?" "It's a bit smashed." "You broke it?" "No, a tree did. When I landed here after the timestorm, my bag slammed into a tree, and it's now in a big mess of wires and plastic casing." "Need help with it? I used to work in appliance repair." Just then, Bender opened the door, and was with a dawg. "Good Evening all!" said Bender. "Hi Strike, Jubei. So this must be our guest!" said Jonathan. "Gordon Bennet! It's Underdog!" exclaimed Ace. "WHAT?!?! HOW DID--?!?! WHO TOLD YOU?" Ace just tapped her finger to her nose, and that ended it. "Nice to see you more awake. And my name's not Gordon Bennet. It's Jeremy." "Sorry. Where I come from, it's an expression." "Hey! Bender! Head's up!" yelled Jubei from the kitchen as he threw a can of milk to Jer. "Thanks." "That's the trouble with a bunch of kats miss er-" "Ace." "Miss Ace. They drink waaaaay too much milk." Said Jonathan. "I could tell." "Perhaps you could tell me where Mr. Kage is?" "Infirmary." "WHAT? What happened?" "Headache." "Oh Jeez!" "I could tell. It's true what they say, then." "Oh? What's that?" "The universe has it out for the British." "Amen." "Sorry for jumping at you this morning." "That's OK. You should see me when I first get up in the morning." At that time, Kage and Jonathan showed up, and stayed cautiously away from Ace. "It's ok...I'm not going to hit you again." "I would hope not. You're pretty strong for your size." "Thanks. I think I'd rather have you as an ally." "The feeling's mutual." "Good. Truce?" "Truce. Of course, there's still the matter of my car..." Ace took an abacus out of her bag, and started compiling figures. She moved the beads around very quickly, and stayed in a near trance-like state for close to an hour. The kats went off to do their think, and Ace went to tell Kage that his car was ready. "You fixed my car. Sure. I doubt it." "All right, donut. Look." "Fine." Kage walked outside, and his car was in perfect working order. "How did you---" "BTC." "What's BTC?" "Block Transfer Computation. It's a system of math that takes the numbers and can turn it into solid matter." "Cool. Can you make me a she-kat?" "I don't think so." "Fine. At least you fixed my car." "Yeah." "Let's go in, it's getting cold." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter Five @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ In a secret location, a sorceress was at work. She got a plan and went off to set it to work. Her name was Yasmine. After a while, the rest of the kats got home, and after a short intro, WildKat offered to try to fix Ace's broken recall. Unfortunately, the Time Lord technology that built it was far beyond the technology of the kats that after a few minutes, he had to give it back, him being more confused thane ver. "Sorry-this is WAY beyond what any of us can do." "That's not surprising-I usually find stuff that is." "Wish I could help you, but you're on your own." "Thanks." The Pastmaster was at city hall, planning to take over the city and bring back the dark ages. Yasmine came up behind him, and zapped the Pastmaster, gaining control of his watch. She took off and headed straight for a certain garage and Salvage Yard. When she got there, Bender was on his way back from getting pizza for dinner, and got zapped by Yasmine. Her plan was under way. She changed shape into Bender's form, picked up the pizzas and went inside. "Hey Bender! You got the pizzas. All Right!" exclaimed Jubei. "How much do I owe you?" "YOUR LIFE!!!" replied Yasmine, who blasted Jubei. Assuming his shape, she went on to the living room, where the rest of the kats were. After a brief encounter, all the remaining kats went back in time. Yasmine resumed her original form and began to gloat. "Finally! I FINALLY have those blasted SwatKats right where I want them!" Ace was in another room, working with her tools, and heard Yasmine, and went to investigate. She saw a strange kat, and proceeded with caution. Yasmine found her, although Ace was being as quiet as possible. "Huh? Who are you?" demanded Yasmine. "That's not important. The question is, what are you doing here, and where is everyone else?" "I am Yasmine, and everyone else is my prisoner, where YOU"LL GO NeXT!" And with that, Yasmine mis-uttered her spell and sent Ace to the wrong place, near Yasmine's hideout, instead of the prehistoric age with everyone else. In a prehistoric Jungle, Bender was getting angry over the conditions. That and he hadn't had any pizza. Walking around, he saw some of the other kats-he ran to them, but a dart somehow got stuck in his neck... A few yards away, Jubei heard a scream. As he went to find out what it was, his leg found its way into a snare, and his head hit a tree. His eyes shut and the world went black... For Jonathan, the worst part was being set up so easily! He should have known that Yasmine would set up something for her enemies like this. Just then, he also realized that he shouldn't have triggered that flow of knockout gas... Kage was taking the lead. Nitro and WildKat were with him, and they had already made it through three booby traps, and were going to find an open area as soon as they got out of this net.... Strike was keeping quick. She figured that if she could keep running, it wouldn't be a problem. She saw a light ahead, and embraced it as the force field surrounded her... Yasmine was pleased. She had all of the SwatKats right where she wanted them: each one in a separate tube, where they could hear all her plans, but she couldn't hear their remarks. A figure in the shadows was watching... @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Chapter Six @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ "Which of you to destroy first? Which one of the SwatKats has caused me the most pain? I think that maybe it could be Jonathan, the one who revealed my plan the last time. Or maybe Strike. Yes. I think Strike would definitely be perfect. You always were the one to find that little way to get me. But I've got you. Just like I did with the leeches. Do you remember the leeches?" "REMEMBER THIS!!!!!" screamed Ace, who'd snuck up behind Yasmine. Yasmine quickly spun around, and Ace SMACKED Yasmine across the face with her magic bat. "Foolish Mortal! You should not anger me! I can destroy you!" "Yeah? Well so can mercenaries, daleks, cybermen, giant sewer rats, and everything else I've had to deal with for the last couple years." Ace grabbed a can of Nitro-9 from her pocket. "You could not even win an argument with me!." "Yeah, really? The question is do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale?" "Do you think you could defeat me so easily?" "I don't know...Maybe we should find out." Ace primed the explosive. "I mean, what's the fun in doing something else?" [15] [14] [13] [12] [11] [10] [09] [08] [07] "I am INVINCIBLE!!!" [06] [05] [04] "Nothing's invincible, Yasmine. Not even you." Ace threw the nitro-9 at Yasmine. [3] [2] [1] The explosive detonated, and Yasmine literally went all to pieces. Parts of her flew all over, including onto the button that released the SwatKats. The odds had changed. However, Yasmine reformed. "Like I said. It will not be over so quickly!" "Not Quite, Yasmine. We're taking you down!" announced Kage. "I will never be destroyed, SwatKat." "Maybe not, but we can make your existence as painful as we can." Yasmine turned into a ray of light, and escaped. The SwatKats quickly messed around with Yamine's computer system, and got home. The Pastmaster's watch returned itself to him. Back at the salvage yard... "Thanks, Ace. I told you that you would come in handy." "Sure, Strike. It's what I do on a daily basis." "What's wrong, mate?" asked Bender. "I'm still stuck here." "I don't think anyone here will have a problem with you staying until you can get your device worked out." Said Jonathan. "You sure I won't be in anyone's way?" "No, not at all. Not at all." Comment Me! Pihackle@hotmail.com