Title: Dear Journal -- Is It Really Worth It?
Author: Sage SK

Comments: "Razor's Edge" had me worked up. I'm one of those sentimental
suckers that sniffles in a sad part  (Mua!! Say THAT five times fast!!), even if the
episode wasn't intended to be that depressing. Well, it was to me... and I imagined
what it was Jake would write down into his journal after the whole incident...
before telling T-Bone/Chance where he was going. This is my take.

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     I've seen possibilities of what my future could be. I've seen where I could
be years from now - on T.V., reading the paper, watching my father...

     I always thought I could have been capable of saving world, to be a hero,
to have someone look up to me. 

     Granted, I *have* saved the world, quite literally. The incident with
Mutilor* was no joke. Not to me, not to Chance. 

     We saw what this monster was capable of. We knew what the
consequences were if he stole all our water. Yet, we stopped him. I give Lt. Feral
credit for interrupting his horrid torture on us. Then, it was our turn to stop him
before he fired towards the ship. 

     I look back on how we did it. We. The SWAT Kats. My missiles took him
down, but it was Chance's reckless yet incredible flying that gave me the
advantage. 

     Where *would* I be without T-Bone's flying?  Six feet below the ground is
my best guess. I know I'd be able to handle the flying bit, but never attempt the
maneuvers Chance manages to pull off and hope to get the Turbokat out without a
single scrape. Dr. Viper proved that.**

     However, I'm responsible for firing our missiles. It's not that it scares me
every time we go up there. It's the fact that I find myself *praying* every time I
send a missile out. Praying every time that I will hit the intended target and not
harm any innocent bystanders. 

     I know my missiles were designed to act as stunners, not killers. Most of
them anyway. But, this time, I probably underestimated the capacity of my
missiles. Of the consequences. 

     The Octopus Missiles are stunners. They are *supposed* to be stunners!
Tonight, they *were* supposed to be stunners! To take that ship down to the
ground so the Enforcers could arrest that thief. 

     I *know* it was an accident. Chance has been repeating the same thing
since we got back. I want to believe it. I didn't mean to hurt those people. 

     But I did. 

     An elderly couple. 

     My worst found fear occurred tonight. All to catch the criminal we were
chasing earlier. 

     Why? Why didn't I think? 

     I could have fired a bola missile and stopped him all the same. But, my
fingers flew to the options on my control panel... my mind picked the Octopus
Missile. 

     I was too quick.  

     I don't consider myself a wuss, much less a weakling. My sensitivity can be
a curse sometimes, though. 

     But, the lives of people are important. And, so is my partner's life. 

     Chance isn't just a partner. He's my best friend... my brother. And, I almost
got us killed. 

     My hesitation was not a smart move, and if this is way things are going to
be for the SWAT Kats from now on, then Chance is better off going solo.  

     I can't risk it. Not now. Maybe until I find out that all this work was worth
the trouble. 

     Until then, I have to apologize for my flaw, then I need to think things
over. Chance'll hate me for it, but it's the only way to keep him safe. Both him and
the city. 

     I'm praying again. This time, it's to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
Who knows? Firing the missiles was a mistake. Maybe walking off is a mistake. I'll
find out soon enough. 


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References: 

* -- "When Strikes Mutilor"
** -- "Mutation City"

Musical Inspiration: 

"Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt
(The Book of Secrets)