The StarCat Stories
Part 3: Crippled Inside
by StarCat
Summary: Shasta tries to go on, but has a thorn in her side she's not willing to
admit yet.
                    ///*\\\
     Chance woke at one. He got out of bed and looked around for Jake and
Shasta. They were gone.
     Chance pulled a mechanic's jumpsuit on over his boxers and headed to the
garage to catch up on the morning's work.

     Shasta, dressed in a black sports bra and black, white-striped workout
pants, launched off the stacked crates toward the wall. She grabbed onto the net
and began to climb her way up. Jake, clad in his mandatory workout clothes of
white tank top and brown cargo pants, was a couple obstacles ahead of her.
     Shasta did some basic workouts like pushups, sit-ups, and the like, but she
rarely did cardiovascular workouts, and she was kind of wiped out. 
     Pulling herself atop the wall, she grabbed a rope and swung towards the
other platform but lost her grip and flew into the platform, hitting it hard with her
stomach. She dropped seven feet to the ground.
     At the finish, Jake turned around just as Shasta biffed it. He ran on the
ground toward Shasta. She was just sitting up, barely catching her breath.
     "D-damn..." she managed out.
     Jake offered her a shoulder and Shasta leaned on him, standing up. She
held her stomach painfully.
     "That's gonna leave a mark..." she gasped out.
     "You alright?"
     "Yeah. Let's try that again."
     "I don't think you're in any condition to-"
     "I was going to beat you," she snapped. Jake shook his head. Like
brother...
     "Well, how about the centrifuge? Can you take G's?"
     "I don't know what a G is, but I bet I could."
     Jake laughed. "You're just like your brother!" He grinned, squeezing his
hold on her momentarily.
     "Oh, so now you're insulting me?"

     Jake and Shasta were sitting on the couch, watching a MegaWar II
documentary. Mostly, though, they were reminiscing about their kittenhood
together.
     "Yeah, remember when I beat you up when I was six and you were eight?"
Shasta laughed and slapped her leg, but Jake just said, "Hm. If I recall, you pushed
me out of a _tree_."
     "It was a girls only club!" she argued defensively.
     "You could have killed me."
     "It was only a few feet."
     "A few like 'ten'?"
     Shasta shrugged. "Sorry."
     Jake opened his mouth to say something, when the doorbell rang. Shasta
stood and looked out the window. She bounced once and flung open the door.
Jack took a step in, grinning.
     "Hey, cutey."
     Shasta jumped into his arms and kissed him deeply. Jake looked at the
television and rubbed at the fur above his left eye. It had started twitching there
recently every time he saw a happy couple.
     Jack took Shasta by the hips and looked her over. Her bleached hair had
been pulled into a bun and strands were falling out here and there. She had a tight
black sports bra on and her black pants were silky and hugged her curves.
     "What have you been up to?"
     "Exercising."
     Jack smirked and got The Look in his eyes. "_I_ could give you a
workout..."
     Shasta's eyes got really big, and she covered Jack's mouth. "Hush." She
looked over at Jake, who had a hand clamped over his left eye.
     "Jake, I'm gonna get my stuff and leave. Where's Chance?"
     Jake took his hand off his eye and forced a smile. "Probably in the garage."
     Shasta smiled. "Thanks. Bye Jake!" 
     As she disappeared into the hallway, Jake's eye began to twitch again.
     
     Chance was removing a belt when Shasta came out.
     He looked up. "Where have you been?"
     "Jake took me through the assault course. I would have beat him, but he
oiled my rope."
     Chance smiled. "I'm sure."
     Shasta hugged Chance, getting a bit of oil from his uniform on her yellow
furred stomach.
     "Remember the gig tonight, at ten," she reminded. 
     Chance smiled.  "Of course."
     Shasta grinned and kissed him on the cheek. She walked down the
driveway toward Jack, who was leaning against his 4 Runner waiting for her.
     "Bye, big brother!"
     "Bye, little sis."

     Jake walked into the garage and watched the Toyota drive away. "It was
nice seeing her again. We have another assault run on Tuesday."
     "So you cheated, huh?"
     "No. She flew stomach first into a platform."
     "Owwie."
     "She beat me at the centrifuge, though, by twelve seconds."
     "She's blood - of course she did." Chance grinned and started putting
another serpentine belt into the Katillak.
     "She's stubborn," Jake observed, "But, very vulnerable. You can see it in
her eyes sometimes. She just isn't sure of herself all the time, and she worries
easily." Jake looked at Chance, who stood up.
     "I've been meaning to talk to you about her, Jake. Shasta has problems.
She's been through a lot more than us boys have. Me and my three brothers, I
mean." 
     Jake nodded.
     "To make a long story short, she has an obsessive-compulsive anxiety
problem that has led to advanced bulimia."
     "What?" Jake looked at Chance. "Jeez. I didn't know."
     "She's really depressed. It runs in our family. Me and Shas are the only two
who have managed to pull ourselves out of it. It's really hard on her, but she's a
trooper. She doesn't lay around blaming people. That's why we've always been so
close."
     Jake could see tears welling in Chance's eyes. He rarely ever saw that, and
he'd been Chance's friend for over fifteen years.
     "I'm sorry, Chance."
     "I don't know how to help her," he whispered, furrowing his brow to stop
the tears. "I don't know what to do. And, Jack makes it worse. He's a bully. He
loves to control her. From what I've heard, he likes to make her insanely jealous.
She gets upset and then he makes her feel guilty for ever doubting him."
     "Has he ever cheated on her?"
     "No. I don't think so. But, you never know." He shrugged and started
tightening the belt down. "She's just so terrified all the time that she's just being
fooled again. Though Jack's a bully, I think he does love her all that he could love
anybody. He doesn't want to see her hurt. He's just selfish and wants to feel
needed. Which, I guess, is understandable...But, Shas could do so much better.
She's strong, has a healthy outlook most of the time, loves life, loves children,
family, tradition." Chance shook his head. "She could do so much better."

     From the bed in the small second story motel room, Shasta gazed out the
window toward the twilight blue sky. The curtains were mesh, and no one could
see in, and all Shasta could see out was color. 
     Shasta sighed and looked down at her bare stomach. Jack was fast asleep
on the soft fur there. It ached vaguely from the injury she had acquired racing Jake.
     Jake... Shasta looked up at the ceiling. How did she feel about Jake? All
those years ago she thought she loved him. But, she was Chance's sister, just
another one of the boys to Jake. He never even knew.
     She didn't love him now. Perhaps as a brother, she imagined. But, she
loved Jack.
     She looked down at her stomach and ran a hand softly through Jack's long,
wavy blonde mane.
     I love Jack.

     Chance and Jake arrived at the bar at about ten fifteen. They had arrived
just in time for the opening chords of a John Lennon song, "Crippled Inside".

               "You can shine your shoes and wear a suit,
                    You can comb your hair and look quite cute.
                        You can hide your face behind a smile,
               One thing you can't hide, is when you're Crippled Inside."

     Shasta's voice had a sort of country twang to it, as did the song. It had the
sort of tone that Gwen Stefanni's did, sort of cuteish.
     Jake found a table off to the side, and Chance went to order drinks just as
Commander Feral got there too.
     "Furlong? What are you doing here?"
     Chance pointed to the stage.
     "See the lead singer? That's my sister."
     "Ah, yes. I remember her. The brat threw a pumpkin at my door when she
was nine."
     Chance looked at the Commander. "Look, Feral. This doesn't mean I like
you, but I know what you did for my sister. Thank you."
     "What? Getting her the gig here? No problem."
     "That too." Chance gave Feral a meaningful look, and Feral smiled, as if to
say, 'It's understood.' Then, he gave Chance a salute with the neck of the milk
bottle. "Enjoy the show, Furlong."

     After a set of three covers and three originals, Anubi was finished with the
gig. They got a rather good reception from the audience, though they had played
some odd songs that had alienated the older crowd. The group did their in-unison
Beatle-bow and the stage lights went off. 
     Shasta unplugged her guitar and placed it in the case on the side of the
stage. They had gotten at least a couple hundred in tips. She had noticed Feral had
given them a ten. She had smiled then, but she would die if he came over to talk.
She wasn't exactly ready to talk to him yet. It had been at least three years since
the incident, but it was odd that someone like him had witnessed something so
personal. It's not that she was ungrateful for what he did...just embarrassed.
     Shasta closed her case and picked up an amp to haul to their blue
Econoline in back of the bar.
     About to get out of the back of the van, Shasta thought better of it and sat
against the interior wall. She hugged her legs to her and buried her nose between
her knees. The nauseous feeling was back. She was stressing majorly about what
Commander Feral may want in repayment for what he did so long ago. Just
thinking of it made her sick...
     No, she thought, not right now. She took a deep breath and then let it out
with a moan, and then again, and then again. There. That did it. The nauseous
feeling was still there, but her salivation returned to normal and she could see in
her peripherals again. Her heart rate was still accelerated, and she took another
deep breath, looking in the cooler in back for something that might calm her
nerves.
     
     Jake was making his way out the front door of the club when he was
stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He raised an eyebrow, and turned around, and
then saw -
     "Callie! Um...hey."
     She smiled and looked at her feet, her hands behind her back. "Hey Jake."
     "What are you doing here?" Jake asked, looking around briefly. Chance
looked like he was looking for someone, probably Shasta, as the rest of the band
traveled on and off stage, carrying equipment.
     Callie picked up her toes and looked at them, then kicked a little bit at the
bar floor. She had strappy leather sandals on that looped around her big toe, then
tied halfway up her calf. She was wearing a light blue sundress with yellow
flowers, and her toenails and fingernails were painted a deep rose colour. She so
very beautiful, Jake could feel the blood rush to his ears.
     God help me through this night, he thought, and so did a couple other kats
as well...